Dear Staci's Place:
Our son was a victim of bullies in the Russell Independent school
system for eight years. To no avail we talked to principals and counselors
about the problem. Now we have discovered that his school records have
been destroyed!
December 1995, What we believed to be a better move for our family
turned out to be the beginning of what I refer to as "Hell on
earth." My chest tightens every time I pass a "Russell Red
Devil" sign. The name "devil" seems appropriate.
Before, living in Greenup, Kentucky we always had a yard full of kids.
I remember buying Popsicles by the case to feed all the happy faces that
always greeted me. My husband, John was mayor of the city, as was his
Father and Grandfather. I remember being "happy, smiling, having
friends over, school events, being active in church" living a normal
life.
As our son became older, it was clear that he had a huge interest in
the arts. The Russell school system was supposed to be the
"best" school in our area, and also offered a more extensive art
and drama program. So we made the decision to move to Russell, where my
husband had attended high school. When my husband attended Russell, he
commuted from Greenup to Russell every day. Wanting to become part of the
community and to stay closely involved in our son’s education we made
the decision to live in Russell. John resigned as mayor of Greenup, a
position he highly regarded. Later he served on the city council of
Russell.
The excitement soon turned to horror, hopelessness, depression, my son
and I both hospitalized, as our lives were utterly destroyed by the
Russell school system.
The first or second week we placed our son in the Russell elementary
school system we received a call from his teacher. Meeting with her she
explained that our son was being harassed by some of the boys in the
class. Wanting us to know that if he showed signs of not wanting to attend
school we would know why. She assured us that she would keep a watch on
things and not let it get out of control. We still hold this teacher in
high regard, as she is the only school faculty that seemed to take charge
and help in these situations. At the time we all felt that this was just
part of adjusting to the new school system and that it would soon pass.
However, this was only the beginning of what would ultimately destroy our
family spiritually and emotionally.
After moving into middle school, we could never understand why our
son’s grades continued to drop. We spoke with the school’s principle
on numerous occasions concerning bullying he was receiving in the school.
The principle assured us that he would keep things under control. He told
us to have our son come to him anytime he had a problem and he would take
care of the situation. Our son who was always taught to respect his elders
did just that. He depended on the school principle to correct the bullies.
However, he was only met with sighs, exasperation, put-out, generic
comments and an uninterested demeanor. After a while he realized that
there was no need going to the school principal for help because he simply
didn’t care.
After several meetings with teachers we ask the school to test our son
for learning disabilities. The test showed no signs of learning problems,
but actually showed him to be higher than average intelligence. School
officials told us that he was artistic, that he daydreamed a lot, that he
was just "lazy," and that he would do better as he matured.
He had begun to dress down in baggy dark colored clothes while refusing
to wear the nice casual clothes he had always worn before. We could not
understand that his being artistic, lazy, or just becoming a teen was the
problem. We felt that we knew our son better than that and was sure there
had to be more to it.
The school offered no other notable support. In an effort to help our
son and to discover the problem we started him in therapy. The therapist
told us that because he was bullied that he needed to have more
self-esteem and to toughen up. She told him that all kids are bullied at
some point. Never did she discover the full extent of the harassment he
was living through. He never attempted to explain more details of the
harassment. After all, if the school principal didn’t care, no one else
would listen to him! The only adults aware of the harassment problems were
the school officials, and there weren’t talking or taking the matter
seriously. Even though the Russell school system had clearly adopted a law
that harassment would not be tolerated in their schools.
In the summer of 1999, we sent our son to the Fishburne Military
School. Told that this school was much more advanced that Russell he could
make up credits that he needed to continue onto high school. Here he
excelled. At one point the school called and ask if they could have our
permission to use one of our son’s stories to show other parents how
well the student at their academy did. How could this be? That he excelled
at a much more advanced school? Simply put . . . they did not tolerate
school violence, bullying, and harassment.
In high school our son became so distant that we were afraid for his
life. So once again he was put into therapy. Several months later as my
son and I were working in Huntington he ran into someone who had assaulted
him just days before. He was unable to hide his emotions and I began
badgering him into telling me what was wrong. This is when he finally
broke down . . . and for the next two hours I listened as my son told me
of the hell he had been living at Russell.
The next day after talking with his therapist, she instructed me to
take him out of the school "immediately." He was put on
homebound, and later would be told that it would be better for him to
obtain his GED, get out of the area, go onto college, and start a new
life. That he would not be able to heal while living in the Russell area.
He was accepted to the top school in the country for 3-D animation. This
impressive school receives more than 26,000 requests for applications a
year and only accepts approximately 250 new students a year. Our son was
one of those students.
But even with the honor of being accepted into this highly accredited
school our son and our family still suffer. My son and I were both
recently hospitalized from the stress and continued emotional problems we
have endured. The therapists tell us it will take a long time to undo the
emotional damage the long-term abuse caused.
I get a knot in my stomach every time I see the t.v. commercials
stating to be involved in your child’s school and life. That it is up to
the parents to raise their children to respect others and to be good
citizens. Well we did raise the "good kid." A child any parent
would be proud to call theirs. We have spent the last 19 years of our
lives trying to raise a good decent person. Our son has always been
respectful and kind to others. Several teachers have told me that they
would love to have a classroom full of students with such nice manners as
our son.
The past 10 years of our lives have created much heartache and illness
in our family. We never got to see our son’s excitement as he dressed
for prom or prepared for graduation. All the excitement and fun of being a
part of a school were taken away from our son. The happy times we spent at
the school in Greenup did not continue when we moved to Russell. It became
a daily fight to get him to do his homework and go to school. Looking
back, I feel guilt for believing that the middle school principal was
handling things. Why did we not see that there was more to it than they
said? Raising good children is hard enough with the support of our
schools. The schools ask for the parents help. As a parent of a bullied
child, I ask for the help of all schools to accept zero tolerance of
school harassment and bullying. Regardless of your race, sex, or social
status.
I plead with all parents to closely watch and listen to your children.
If they show any signs of withdrawal or depression don’t just ask the
school officials and your children, or think it’s just part of becoming
a teenager. But ask other students at the school and their friends, and
other parents to see if their children are experiencing similar behavior
problems. If your child does admit to being bullied or harassed, get the
details of the harassment and to what extent is involved. Make sure that
the school officials document each occurrence and keep records yourself.
Take your concerns to the school board whether or not you believe they
will help. All the records on my son from the Russell middle school have
been destroyed according to school officials. After visiting with the
principal at the high school I also was told that no records of such
events were kept on our son there either. Even after he had been beaten
and made the comment that he could shoot someone. I asked the principal,
"Do you not think with all the school shootings that a supposed
superior school such as Russell should keep records of such events?"
The principal simply shrugged his shoulders. The lady with me stated that
she could not believe a school principal would treat a parent in such a
manner. If parents are treated this way how are our children being
treated?
A teacher with the Greenup County system told me that she documents
everything . . . even a time-out. Even my old high school counselor told
me that she kept records of every time a child came into the office and
reported as much as a name calling. That was in the 1970's. Is Russell
that far behind the times? I think not. The conduct of this school system
and its failure to protect students and their rights is reprehensible to
say the very least. And what is frightening is to know our son is not the
only one who has ever suffered at the hands of this school. This school
system caters to the rich kids, to the jocks, and to any other child who
can bring recognition or revenue through the door. The rest can simply
fall through the cracks, who’s only value to the school is the amount
the school makes from the government to have that nonessential, totally
unimportant child inside its doors.
Again, our son is not the only child suffering in the Russell school
system. A young man who didn’t feel comfortable talking with his parents
about the bullying he was receiving at the high school came and asked me
for help. I called the Russell high school for him and also spoke with his
Mother. A meeting was set up with school official and his parents. Later
the teen confided in me that things were not any better at school. That
the name calling and harassment continued.
Our son is now living out of the state. For us, living here is a
constant reminder of the torment we have been through. We have put our
house up for sale and plan on leaving this area as soon as possible. We
are not alone. A realtor who had our house on the market told us that she
had two other homes on the market for the same reasons. She stated that
one lady was willing to take a $30,000 loss on her home just to get her
kids out of the Russell school system, she stated, "Before something
terrible happened!" Another family reportedly relocated to Indiana to
get their children out of the Russell school system after their daughter
was continually harassed. A close friend of the family tells me that the
situation was brought before Russell school authorities, but that Russell
told them that they did not have a problem with harassment in their school
system.
Everyone tells us that you can’t fight Russell. That they have too
much pull in the area. At this point our lives have been totally crushed .
. . what do we have to lose. I told my son’s attorney that if we sat
back and did nothing, and if something happens at Russell to one of the
children that I could never forgive myself or lie down to sleep at night
without feeling guilty. .........at least we can say we tried.
In my son’s letter you will hear of a few of the events that occurred
while he was in the system. But, this is only the tip of the iceberg from
the pain and suffering he endured during his school years at Russell.
Our son has been beaten, labeled as "gay," chased, harassed
on a daily basis, belittled, threatened, had property destroyed, was
placed in a storage closet with bullies (unsupervised). Much of which was
done in front of or by school officials of the Russell school system. Even
when my son went to school officials for help we were never notified by
the school.
When I see a school shooting on the news, my heart goes out to the
shooter. As sadistic as this sounds my son could have very well been one
of those school shooters. Do we ever stop to ask why the children do the
shooting?
Actually, on one occasion my son made the comment to some other
students that he could just shoot one of the ballplayers for the way he
was acting. This was right after some of the ballplayers were bragging in
a classroom that they had gotten drunk, had gone to a graveyard, turned
over a tomb stone, and "pissed" on the grave of a young girl who
had attended the rival school they soon would be playing. They said
"It really pumped them up for the game." The teacher’s comment
was, "boys that’s not nice." After my son made the comment to
several friends in the next class, he became concerned that the boys would
beat him up or that it would get out and that everyone in the school would
think he was like the kids at Columbine and that he would shoot up the
school. So, the next day he went to the office and told school officials
what had happened. They brought the young man who made the comments to the
office for my son to apologize to, which he did. Then my son asked if !
they were going to make him apologize for saying and doing what he did
to the girls grave. The school officials told our son that it didn’t
matter what he said and for our son to return to class. As he was leaving,
the ballplayer said, "Kinner it’s a good thing I didn’t hear
about this before you turned yourself in or I would have busted your
face!" In shock that this student would threaten him in front of
school officials our son looked at the officials and waited for them to
say something or make the ballplayer apologize . . . but they did not.
They just told our son again to return to class.
Another time our son was beaten in front of school officials. After
school officials pulled the boy off our son and took them to the office
the boy was expelled from school for a few days.
Our son went to school official on several occasions for help in the
harassment problem, he said that he could just shoot someone, he was
beaten on school property, he was put in a closet with disruptive kids,
unsupervised, and not once did the school notify us. Isn’t it a law that
local authorities must be notified of cases of assault in public school?
And also knowing that we had been to the school on numerous occasions over
these types of problems. They just wanted to sweep it under the rug.
When I asked one school official why he did not call me and let me know
that my son had been assaulted, he said that he just didn’t think about
it. I told him that I wanted to know anytime my son came into the office
or had a problem. Several weeks later I spoke with this official again . .
. I can still feel the shock of the ignorance that followed. He said that
he just had to thank me for telling him that he should call parents when
something happened to a student. That he had called several parents since
he last talked to me over situations and that they seemed to really
appreciate him calling. Good Lord, this is supposed to be a top school and
a parent is having to tell an official how to do his job?
As with my son, writing this letter sickens me and brings back many
horrible memories. But someone has to stand up for the children who are
being bullied and harassed.
Our son was labeled as "gay." I need not tell you what type
of torment this caused. I look back on when a local young man who was also
perceived as "gay" was beaten by several men and left for dead
in Huntington, WV. This very well could have happened to our son, even
though just like the young man in Huntington, he is not gay.
Look at the reaction the Boyd county school system had over the gay
straight alliance club they were wanting to form. Our son is not gay. But
Regardless of race, sex, sexual preference, or social status no child
deserves to be harassed by bullies.
Just a few miles from Russell, the Cabell County school system has
started a policy regarding bullying, harassment and intimidation. Along
with requiring more tracking of incidents, the policy involves stronger
prevention efforts when it comes to bullying. Hoping to aid in halting
bullying and promoting respect of other as part of the project. I commend
Cabell County for implementing this program into their schools.
School violence, harassment, bullying is one of the leading causes for
teen suicide and emotional problems. Please take the time to use your
resources and help us get the word out and educate the public on how
rampant this problem has become in our schools. We are willing to talk
with you and have our story publicized to help others.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
John & Rita Kinner - parents of Sean Tyler Kinner
rkinner@hotmail.com
