Staci's Place: No More Bullies!
Cyberbullying Advice and Tips
What can schools do to prevent
cyberbullying?
The most important step that schools can
take is to have a clear-cut policy in place that is followed fairly and
impartially.
If you are a teacher or school
administrator, you might not like what I am about to say. While I believe
that most teachers and administrators truly love children and want to do the
right thing, I often find I am forced to tread on egg shells when speaking
to them. I find it a little ironic that teachers, who are the first to say
"Ignore it and it will go away" and "Don't be so sensitive" are extremely
sensitive to any overt or implied criticism of their profession. If you
find yourself getting angry and defensive about the next paragraph or two,
then you are part of the problem. Hear me out before you leap to defend
your honor.
The worst cases of abuse bullying
activists have heard about always take place in schools where bullying is
tolerated, sometimes even subtly encouraged by school staff and
administrators. It is rare that one hears of a bad case of chronic
bullying in a school environment where both teachers and administration
refuse to accept abusive behavior.
Yes, parents and the students
themselves are also responsible for bullying in our schools. These things
also need to be addressed. I do address that in the "What
can parents do" and "What can kids do"
sections. But in this section, we're going to talk about what you,
the teachers and administrators can do. Bullies are cowards by nature. They
fear authority and crave power for themselves. When authority figures are
strong and firm around them, their negativity disappears like smoke in the
wind. You can make a huge difference here. It is your responsibility - you
are the adults in charge.
Start with a set of clear guidelines for
what is and is not acceptable behavior in your school. This cannot be a "no
tolerance" document. It's a guideline for ethical student, teacher and
administration behavior. If you do not already have one, do a Google search
for "sample school policy bullying", and see the
sample policy on the BullyPolice web site.
Ensure that every part of the school
grounds are supervised. If you district cannot afford to have teachers
supervise the school yards, or the pathways home from school, there could be
community volunteers, crossing guards, parents and grandparents who may be
willing to volunteer to take on these duties. If there are concerns about
favoritism, more than one parent or volunteer could take the duty on a given
day. That way they will be there to monitor each other as well as the
children.
If there is no community consensus about
direct supervision, a series of web-based cameras could easily and
affordably be set up, to be monitored by both staff and parents. There are
already several pilot programs of this sort running in some of the younger
grades, and they are usually well-received by parents, students and staff. I
have a sample proposal that you may use as the
foundation for your own program.
When you are first confronted with an
accusation of bullying, tell the child that you will look into the
situation, that you will see what you can find out. Use
active listening techniques to find out all you
can about what led up to the bullying. Find out how long it has gone on,
where and when it usually occurs. While you want to give a target child the
benefit of the doubt, keep in mind that children, just like many adults, do
not always see how their own behavior can trigger reactions in others. They
only see the reaction.
Anger-management and mediation training
programs can be highly effective in preventing bullying. Bystander education
can also be helpful. But these programs will be of no use if you do not
ensure that target children and bystanders are protected from reprisals.
What not to do:
Please, I beg you, do not implement any
"zero tolerance" rules or policies. Some of the most unjust abuses have been
perpetrated under the banner of "zero tolerance". For instance, there are
some circumstances where a child might legitimately bring a weapon onto
school grounds. I know of one bullied child currently being prosecuted for
bringing a knife onto school grounds to show it to the principal, at the
principal's request. The knife was never used, and up until this time was
not present on school grounds. Yet now this young man is facing the threat
of criminal charges, and his bullies have remained uncharged despite the
series of bruises and scrapes they have inflicted on him, and the damage
they have done to his property and self-esteem. Some critical judgment and
leeway simply has to be applied in these cases.
Do not force the bully and the target child
together in classes. Separate them.
Do not force the bully and the target child
to appear together when you are searching for both sides of the story.
Bullies will use what they learn in these sessions for further abuse, and
target children may be too afraid to speak up. Both sides can fairly give
their statements separately.
Never tell a child that it is their
fault they are being bullied! While few cases are absolutely "cut and
dried", and your child may contribute to the reaction cycle through their
own behavior, they are not to blame for the poor choices of their peers or
teachers.
Never tell a child "If you didn't
react, they wouldn't bully you." There may be some truth in this
statement, but it is overly simplistic. What the child hears is "You are too
emotional", "It is your fault" and "Your feelings are inconvenient to me".
Don't over-react!
If you get overly upset, the next time this happens (and it likely
will), your child may decide it's too risky to tell you. They may fear,
with good cause, that you will decide it is easier to pull the plug, and
they will lose their Internet access as a result.
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